Maui Babe

It was called to my attention that, for having been in a tropical location for 2 weeks, I'm nowhere near the hue of being confused as a local. Not that it's even possible. If I baked in the sun all day, everyday, my English/Swedish/Danish/German/Irish skin, emphasis on the Irish, would never get to that level...plus it's difficult to look indigenous with blonde hair. After my initial sun beating, I've been a little gun shy and tried to lay low. But ever since someone told Eliana how dark she's gotten, she's taken pleasure in the fact that she's winning the "tan game" and loves to rub it in my face. I told you my family loves games...it's genetic. Today she told me matter-of-factly, that she keeps getting tanner and I keep getting whiter. Whiter? Really? Alright, kid...it's on.

(Dad...read further at your own risk. Remember, ignorance is bliss.)

No more of this SPF 85 crap...this calls for some skin cancer in a bottle. So maybe it'll take 10 years off my life...odds are that Eliana will outlive me anyway, so I don't really have a shot at that competition. At least I can endeavor to be a contender in the "tan game." My packaged cancer catalyst of choice: "Amazing Maui Babe Browning Lotion II All Natural Fast Dark Tan." It was a bon voyage gift from my friend, Seth. A title like that makes you feel tanner by just holding the bottle.

But, is this cheating? Like the steroid of professional bronzers? Nah...after all, it is "all natural." Besides, the back of the bottle affirms my deepest aspirations..."sun tan lotion that is brown, and is called 'Browning Lotion,' because brown is what you want to be." So true. This lotion gets me. It also smells like frosted oatmeal cookies, and who doesn't want that in a tanning accelerant? And the claim that, "Everyone who has tried it LOVES it and returns for more," sealed the deal. Oh, peer pressure.

I lathered up, being careful to only use it on areas that were ready for some stronger sun exposure, like my legs and arms. Have to pace myself. The competition lasts until I leave, so I've got some time. Don't want to get ahead of myself and make any more rookie mistakes like I did with my back.

I met my opponent on the pool deck. She told me I smelled like the gingerbread train we had built and decorated the night before, and I informed her that it was my sunscreen. Of course she wanted some. And of course, I denied her request. I wasn't about to let my rival in on "the local secret" (another one of the enticing descriptions on the bottle). I spent the next hour (the maximum amount of time Maui Babe recommended for beginners) situated on a pool raft observing the squirrels and letting the sun do all the work. The squirrels here navigate the trees like monkeys. They jump from branch to branch and hang upside down. I watched one hold onto the tree with only it's hind legs and then it proceeded to swing itself back and forth like a pendulum.

I definitely made some progress today, but I have a lot of hard word ahead. I'll have to take the day off tomorrow though...I made a friend, Claudia, who cooks at a local restaurant and she invited me to go to La Libertad for some pupusas. I'm hoping to have some good stories after a day spent riding the bus and speaking only in Spanish. Looking forward to it.