Nel-Dogg

I've now spent a total of 4 hours with Nelson, the tutor. Mostly our sessions consist of him giving me a topic in Spanish, for example, (**no need to bust out Babelfish for this...I was known as PC Core Team's 'best translator' in '04-'05, so just sit back and I'll do the work for you) "what are some traditions in your culture?" or "how do you think the younger generations are different these days?" Then we just have a conversation about that topic until we've exhausted the subject...or until, what happens more often than not, I'm reminded that my 'best translator' title has only stuck because of the sheer irony of the designation, not because of my wealth of Spanish vocabulary.

Regardless, I've gathered some great info from these conversations with Nel-Dogg (I can't help thinking of him as that, because in a desperate attempt to appear relevant, our Old Testament professor, Dr. Nelson, requested that his class refer to him as such). First, he told me that he's on a diet and is trying to lose 20 lbs. He maintains that one beer a day actually helps your metabolism, thereby aiding in the weight loss process. He claims he read this on the Internet. Maybe that's true, but I'd venture to guess that he's a member of the Michael Scott school of knowledge, which believes Wikipedia to be the best possible source of information, because anyone can post anything about anything. I told him that I was hoping to get back in shape by surfing and shed some pounds as well. He asked how much I wanted to lose, so I gave him a ballpark figure. I gathered that his response, spoken in Spanish and translated by me into English, was: "hmm...that's not very much." I'm still not quite sure if I should be offended by that. He's either an optimist and is encouraging my success, or he feels I could stand to lose much more than that. But what the heck...either way, I'm looking at one beer a day, so win-win-win.

I also learned that in El Salvador, you can only name your children names previously given in this country. You can't borrow names you might like from other cultures. And you can't choose a name by blindly pointing at an item in the room after being spun around ten times, which seems to be the only viable explanation for the method of choice of American celebrities and the crazies who seek to emulate their lives. Kind of a strict law, but it probably saves lots of kids from torturous childhoods of being bullied. At least the celebrities' kids can name drop to defend themselves. The others have got nothing. But, I digress...

When Nelson and his wife were expecting their daughter, his wife found a name she liked in a Salvadorian novel. When they went to register her name, they were told that Celice, had never been used and were therefore denied. At this point they were really set on the name. So, they explained how they had read it in a book, and the lady advised them to bring the book back to get approval from her supervisor. They went to multiple bookstores, before finding the book at a store 3 hours away. When Nelson looked for the page with the name, he only saw "Cecile," and realized that his wife had misread it. He opted to try his luck anyway, and just happened to catch the supervisor in a chaotic moment, causing him to carelessly okay the name. That was a lot of work. Talk about some pressure to like your name.

It's been fun chatting with Nel-Dogg and recalling a good deal of the Spanish I learned in high school. Unfortunately, I think he's providing me with a false sense of confidence. He speaks very slow and enunciates everything, so I can understand him fairly easily. I start feeling like maybe I could be the 'best translator' afterall. Then I hear people in the street talking a mile a minute and all the words blur together, leaving me with the handful of words I could make out, which are too disjointed to deduce what was really said. And, I still need a miracle in the rolling of the "R's" department. I'm really struggling to stay positive about my potential to succeed at this feat. My accent is respectable with everything else, but when I attempt this, I just end up administering a spit shower to the poor person I'm speaking with. They say that your muscles in your jaw used in speech are already formed at a young age (my vagueness is due to the fact that this is only something I've heard...I have no hard data) according to the sounds used in your native language. If only beer were a remedy in this scenario as well...I'd be skinny and proficient in my Spanish pronunication.

Sadly, these tutoring sessions no longer fit into Nelson's schedule, so he's being replaced by a woman named, Carina. Maybe she'll have read some useful studies that report findings of sour candy being crucial for the reversal of sun damage. Now that is a finding I can work with.